Ask Julie

Question:

I have a six-year-old little girl who walks with forearm crutches. At her school there are only two accessible parking spots and about six non-accessible in this little row in front of the school she goes to. The rest of the parking is down the sidewalk about 20 ft, turn and you go another 50 up a slight incline, and across the busy street.

 

After a long day of school it is quite a walk for my daughter due to how tired she is. So, I learned pretty quick to get to the school at least 30-45 minutes before school lets out to beat (and I am sorry to say this) but the elderly people who just sit in their cars and wait for their grandkid to run out to the car. Now this has never bothered me, they have hangers on their mirrors and have just as much right to the space as I do….like I said, I just learned to get there early. First come, first serve situation.

 

Anywho, the advice I need is on how to deal with this man who despite my stares, dirty looks, and shake of my head, continues to park in the space, no parking tag or hanger. He looks perfectly able-bodied to me, his two children skip, run and dance to the car just fine, etc. The first few times I was just like, he must just be in a hurry today, but after that I concluded that he seriously thinks its ok to park there, and just doesn’t care who sees him do it!!

 

Lately it has been getting on my last nerve. I find myself sitting in my car just plotting what I should say, and if I should say anything at all. Should I just go tell the school office, should I call the police, or should I be an advocate for my child and approach the man with kindness & wisdom (who in his saggy, oversized jeans complete with a view of his underwear and the rest of his “gangsta” apparel, looks kinda scary). I guess my question is, who do I approach?

 

My feelings are that if I can get the nerve to approach him myself, that I have an opportunity to reach his heart. The other options just might have him decide to not do it just at the school, but everywhere!

 

Answer:

I think you should start out by kindly pointing out to him that he has parked illegally in a wheelchair accessible parking spot. If he gives you an attitude and refuses to stop, I would suggest telling the school. If that still doesn’t work, call the police. He needs to learn that there are consequences for his actions. I’m glad you want to be an advocate for your daughter; as she grows up, she will learn from your actions and advocate for herself when she is older.

 

Question:

What would your advice be to someone who is giving up on trying to date because he wants people who don’t have a disability to see the real him but is only getting somewhere and yes from people with disabilities?

 

Answer:

I think my best advice would be not to worry about people who can’t see the real you. They don’t matter and you shouldn’t waste your time trying to prove yourself to people. There are plenty of other people who will see you for who you are, not for your disability. Those are the people who are worth your time and energy. Keep an open mind and don’t rule out the option of dating someone with a disability, because they may be the perfect person for you.

 

Question: 

I could’ve used some advice on how to deal with people helping you whether you ask for it or not, earlier today. I was in the restroom at a Cracker Barrel & some 6-7 year old boy literally stood there and watched me wash my hands. While I was doing that, he started randomly talking about some video game he had. Then, when I turned to open the door, he ran over and tried to get it for me. Didn’t ask if I needed help, just assumed I did. I know he’s just a kid, but I guess that’s my point. If you wanna teach your kids to be sensitive to people who get around differently, that’s fine. But somebody needs to teach them to ask the person if they need help rather than assuming they do.

 

Answer:

It can be frustrating when people try to help us when we don’t need it. Some people genuinely want to help while others just want to feel better about themselves. I wouldn’t reprimand a kid for trying to help; they don’t know any better. Instead, I would politely decline, but thank them for their offer. If you’re in the mood to educate them about your disability, you can use this an as opportunity to do just that. On the other hand, I know that sometimes you may not be in the mood or you may not have time to educate people, and you’re not obligated to.